Lout Talks About Sex, Causes Fellow Diners To Lose Appetite

A citizen journalist from Dallas writes in to tell us about a friend who spoke loudly about his sexual exploits in a crowded restaurant. Is the friend naughty? Read, vote, and debate amongst yourselves...

I have a friend, I’ll call him “Karl.” Well, Karl is what you call a “bon vivant.” He loves life. He drinks to excess, chases pussy 24/7, smokes a little dope, and eats whatever he wants.

Karl and I were at a sushi restaurant a few weeks ago, sitting at the sushi bar and talking with the Japanese sushi chefs. We’d been in there a few times before and the chefs know Karl, and that he’s always got a story about pussy of some sort.

One of the chefs asked Karl if he had banged any women lately, and Karl, who had been drinking for hours, answered loudly, “I fucked this hot black chick just two days ago!”

Karl’s reply hung in the air, and diners from around the restaurant glanced in our direction before returning to their conversations.

The four sushi chefs gathered in front of Karl and asked him how he’d accomplished the feat. And Karl was only too eager to explain. He drained a cup of sake, ordered another – along with a beer – and told the four men that he had met the woman on a site called OnlineBootyCall.com.

“The sex was awesome!” he stated proudly. “Awesome!”

His voice again pierced the din of the diners.

“She came to my place at about 8:35 p.m.,” he recounted, his voice projecting far beyond the chefs. “Nice round ass, nice tits. … I’d say about a ‘C’ cup.

Karl took a long sip of sake.

“We chit-chatted for about five minutes,” Karl continued. “Then we got to it. This black chick got down on her knees and started sucking my cock. Really good blowjob. I’d rate it about a ‘B’ – no, I take that back, a ‘B-plus.”

No sushi was getting made, and I noticed that the sweet Japanese waitress that had been serving us had disappeared.

I glanced around, only to see diners glancing back.

“Karl,” I said, “Keep it down. People can hear you.”

Karl, glassy-eyed, leered at me and shot, “Fuck them! I’m telling a story about pussy.”

He turned to the sushi chefs and resumed his tale.

“Where was I, gentlemen?” he asked, curling his fingers around his cup of sake. “Oh, that’s right, I was talking about fucking a hot black chick from OnlineBootyCall…

“So, after she blew me, I went down on her,” he declared. “I ate her pussy for a long time, I’d say about 15 minutes. Why gentlemen? Because I’m all about pleasuring the woman.”

“Her pussy was really wet. How do you say ‘wet’ in Japanese? Oh, nevermind. … Anyway, I ate her out for so long my neck got sore.”
The chefs guffawed. A table of diners behind us cleared out.

“After eating her out, I bent her over my couch and fucked her doggy-style,” Karl told his audience. “But my neck was so sore that I couldn’t move my head.”

He chuckled at his misfortune.

“So, I’m hammering her from behind, and I’ve got my head bent to the side like a moron. I can feel myself about to come….”

Suddenly, a booming voice from the other side of the restaurant interrupts the story.

“Hey, man, can you keep it down! We’re trying the eat over here!”

Karl and I swiveled and saw a large bald white guy with a goatee eating with his girlfriend.

“There are women and children in here, man,” he declared.

Karl drifted over to the couple and apologized to the man. “My bad,” he repeated several times.

Then, returning to his chair, he muttered to the sushi chefs, “Now, gentlemen, where was I?...”