Collections Lawyer Gets Laid, Agrees To Never Call Woman Again

Simon, a New Jersey collections lawyer in his late 30s, sacrifices friendship for cheap sex. Naughty? Read his testimony and arrive at your own verdict.

TNA: We heard something about sacrificing friendship for sex. How is that naughty?

Simon: Well, listen to this. I was out with this really hot Asian-American about five years ago. She was a friend of one of my buddies. The girl wasn’t his type, but he knew I liked Asian women, so he gave me her number. I had no idea who this chick was, but my friend said she was hot, so I called her out of the blue one night.

I say, “Hi. My name is Simon. I’m a friend of George’s. He gave me your number and said that we’d probably get along well.”

How did that go over?

Terribly. She flipped out. She started yelling at me, saying stuff like, “Who the hell is [George] to give out my number!” and “I don’t even know you!”

I was really surprised. I said, “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. George just thought we might get along. I apologize. Forget I called….”

And she said, “No, wait. Now I’m curious to know who the hell he gave my number to. This is really going to get to me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I’m just a friend. Sorry again. Have a good night.”

She wouldn’t let it drop, though. She said, “Look, I could use a drink. Can you pick me up in an hour?”

It was late. It was like 9:00, but I said, “Yeah.”

Ha! A real turn of events. Was this a weeknight?

Yeah. So I pick her up and she’s smoking hot! She’s wearing these tight jeans and a tight white t-shirt. I’m like, “Oh, my God!” She was one of the hottest Asian women I’d ever seen. Seriously. I couldn’t believe it.

We go to a bar, but it’s now close to 11:00. We have one drink, and then the bar closes early. We were hitting it off and she was sexy as hell, so I suggested another bar. She said, “You know, it’s dead tonight. Nothing’s happening. Why don’t we get a six-pack? We can go back to my place.”

So, we get some beer and go back to her place. We drink for another hour, then start fooling around. We’re on her couch. I try to take her shirt off, and she looks at me and says, “I’m not really attracted to you.”

OK. A turn for the worse. This woman sounds a little crazy.

Yeah, but listen to this. Then she says, “Look, you have two choices. One, we can just be friends and I can be your wingman and help you pick up women, or two, we can have sex – but you can’t ever call me again.”

I know which one I’d pick.

I look at her and I say, “I have enough friends.”

Beautiful. And so you guys had sex?

We go into her bedroom, and before we get undressed she says again, “I’m serious. I don’t want you to ever call me again. You have to promise me.”

“I promise,” I said, and helped her take off her clothes.

Then we fucked for about three hours. It was great, of course. The next morning, as I left, she said, “Remember, don’t call me.” She was adament. She really didn’t want me to call her.

So I said, “No problem.”

And did you call her?

No. I mailed her a letter. I said, “I know you didn’t want me to call you. I’m not. I’m writing you a letter. Here’s my phone number. If you want to see me again, call me.”

Sounds like something a lawyer would do.

Well, I didn’t call her. … She called me.

Really? So you saw her again?

Yeah. She called me! A few weeks later we got together again, and had sex again. It was good, but nothing compares to that first night.