Why Office Sex Is The Best

“Alex" is a publicist in Los Angeles who thinks the fact that he loves sex in the office makes him a true naughty American.

TNA: So you like sex in the office?

Alex:  To me, a job is not a job until I get a handjob, blowjob or fuckjob at my place of work. I’m a publicist in Los Angeles and I handle a lot of high-profile entertainment celebrities. This sort of job rewards someone who takes risks, like having sex in the office. There’s lots of turnover in this industry, so I get to change my surroundings fairly often – which means I have to “christen” my desk by fucking at the workplace.

You’ve never worried about getting caught?

I’ve always been pretty ballsy. When I was in college, I was once so horny for my girlfriend that I called her up at the yogurt store and warned her I was going to “take” her at work. I drove over, walked right in, dragged her into the back, pulled her onto a big wooden table, pulled off her clothes (leaving mine on) and fucked her right there. She came and then I came. I kissed her and, after helping her dress, went home to have dinner with my parents.

How did you avoid getting caught?

It was winter. Nobody buys frozen yogurt in winter.

Any other memorable times?

When I was in college, I worked on the school newspaper and one night me and the layout artist took a break to get high. It was a long break. Things happened and we ended up fucking on one of the desks. It was pretty hot. We ended up having a friends-with-bennies thing for the rest of the semester (but never at work). Still, it started me on the sordid road to sex in the workplace.

What stops were on the way?

Well, my next office job was at a community newspaper in an upscale community. The editor offered an internship to the daughter of an advertiser and she was pretty hot – and bitchy. She was also a foot taller than me. She called me “the little dude” to the coworkers, which, in retrospect, sounds kind of patronizing.

“Kind of” patronizing?

Probably, but I don’t give a shit what people think, just what I want. I won’t mention her name but she was a big girl, and perfectly proportioned. She also had a depressive personality and wasn’t happy unless she was sad. Naturally, I annoyed the crap out of her. But in a good way. I could tell she was attracted but didn’t want to admit it.

So what happened?

One day, we were the only people working there. She said, “I wish I weren’t so horny.” I said, “Life’s a bitch sometimes.” She took a break and I used that opportunity to remove a couple of her cables from her computer hard drive. When she came back and her computer wasn’t working, she got on her knees to check it and I checked out her ass. I pride myself on honesty, so I said, “Man, you have a great ass.”

“You shouldn’t say that right now,” she said.

“Why not?” I responded.

“You know why,” she said.

“No, I don’t,” I said.

“C’mon, don’t make me say it,” she said. By this time, I walked over to her desk, got down next to her and started rubbing her ass.

“What’s there to say?” I said. “It’s one of those days. I’m going to lock the door and when I come back, we’re going to continue this discussion without saying a word.”

I locked the door and I came back and, without saying a word, pulled her to the floor, pulled off her jeans and started munching on her pussy. I can’t say she was moaning, because her legs were so tight on my ears I couldn’t hear anything. She came and I could tell she didn’t want to return the favor. On the other hand, I wasn’t finished, so I pulled her flat on the floor and inserted myself between her legs. Then I put my legs around her making her pussy tighter. Then I put my mouth on her neck and started gently biting and cursing at her.

“C’mon and fuck me harder,” I said. “I know you fucking hate this job. Take it out on me. Fuck this job by fucking me. C’mon, fuck this job!”

Did she fuck the job?

Well, she got into it. I guess she really did hate that job. After that, she started acting nice to me and the thrill was gone.

But not the thrill of office sex?

It’s a definite job perk. I’ve done interns on my desks, bosses on their desks, co-workers in cars and clients in stairwells. The key (besides lots of liquor) is to do it on off-hours and to emphasize the superstitious aspects of it. “The only times I’ve been fired is when I HAVEN’T had sex at work” is one thing to say.

You never got caught?

I did once. I was having sex with my girlfriend and the janitor walked in, looked at us, and shuffled back out without saying anything. He got a big Christmas bonus from me a few months later.

Are there any other risks involved?

You have to be careful about where you come. Not because of pregnancy, but because of what I call “errant jizz.” There’s nothing more embarrassing than having a glob of jizz on your desk calendar or having your keyboard get sticky because of sperm.

Is there anything else you recommend?

Yes, don’t have sex in the office expecting to get a promotion. Business and pleasure don’t mix. And don’t tell anyone else about who’ve you had office sex with.

Except The Naughty American?

Except The Naughty American.