Commercial Airline Pilot Looks At Porn In The Cockpit

“Kip” is a commercial airline pilot who reads porn magazines in the cockpit and gets flight attendants to show him their tits. The Naughty American met up with Kip at a British pub in San Diego, where he shared some of the secrets the airlines don’t want you to know about.

TNA: I know pilots are naughty, but I’ve never seen them in action. They always look like the most upstanding, trustworthy individuals when I walk on a plane.

Kip: You haven’t been in the cockpit during a flight.

No, I haven’t. So, there’s some naughtiness that goes on up there?

I don’t know if I’d call it naughtiness, but there are definitely some things that we do that the airlines wouldn’t want the customers to know about. It just wouldn’t be good for business.

Like what?

Porn. Lots of porn.

That’s great. What kind of porn? Are you guys watching videos up there?

No, we don’t watch videos. At least, I’ve never flown with anyone who has. But these days, with the iPhone, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the guys are watching porn on their phones. It’s mostly magazines, Playboy, Penhouse. On long flights, there isn’t much to do. You don’t want to read a book or anything, because it requires a lot of concentration. It might make you drowsy, too. You want something that stimulates you and keeps you awake. And what better way to stay stimulated than by looking at photos of naked women.

What happens if the pilot or co-pilot is a woman?

Then we don’t look at any of that stuff. We read the newspaper or some respectable magazine. That’s just the way it has to be. Some female pilots can be really uptight about anything sexual, like language or innuendo, in the cockpit. They’d raise bloody hell if anyone ever started reading a porn mag. They’d go to the union head and complain or file a lawsuit claiming that they were subjected to a hostile work environment.

Sometimes women will find a porn stash, and that causes tension.

What do you mean, a “porn stash”?

There are panels in the cockpit, where, if you pull out the panel there’s a little hidden compartment. They’re small, usually about four inches by four inches. Some cockpits have a few of these panels. Some guys will stash a photos of nude women in the compartment, or tape a photo to the back of the panel. Everybody knows that guys do it, so that when you’re flying and get bored, you can just pop a few panels, and bingo, a little porn.

But then female pilots started to get wind of the stashes, and they started popping the panels. And they got all bent out of shape and filed complaints with the union. Now you don’t see too many porn stashes.

Have you ever read a porn mag in the cockpit?

Sure. I don’t do it all the time. When I fly to Asia, those flights are ten, twelve, fourteen hours. They’re long, boring flights. Once we reach cruising altitude, there’s nothing to do, so I’ll bring a girly mag with me. Most of the time, the captain is a cool guy. We’ll talk about women, sex, what have you. Sometimes, he’ll have a magazine with him, too.

Do pilots ever bang the flight attendants?

Sure. Some do. I just got married to one.

What’s his name?

A comedian. Don’t give up your day job.

Tell me about some of the naughtiness that goes on between pilots and flight attendants!

These days there isn’t much. Fifteen, twenty years ago, there was a lot more happening. Most of the flight attendants are old these days. They’ve been working for the airlines for twenty years and have seniority, so they get all the best routes. The younger ones get the shitty routes and don’t stay in the job very long. If they’re good looking, they do it for a while and then realize that they can be making more money for fewer hassles someplace else.

That’s depressing, man. Forget regulating the airline industry. Can’t we just regulate the flight attendants? You know, only hire the hottest, youngest women with the sluttiest outlook on life?

Great idea! Write your congressman. We still see the occasional hot flight attendant. It’s just that there aren’t nearly enough of them to make it a job perk for pilots. Every now and then a hot flight attendant will show off her new boob job to the pilots.

Now you’re talking. What do you mean by “show”?

She’ll come into the cockpit and flash her tits. She’ll say, “Hi guys. I just got a new boob job. Wanna see?”

Have you ever felt them?

I haven’t, but a couple of other pilots have. They’ll say something like, “Are they harder or softer than before?” and the flight attendant will say, “Go ahead, feel ‘em.”

What does the future hold for the airline industry?

More bankruptcy and consolidation, unfortunately. You got any job openings at Naughty America?…