Dirty Carny Gets Down And Dirty With Customers

“Catfish John” is a Florida-based carnie who makes his living running a Tilt-A-Whirl machine at carnivals and fairs all over California, Arizona and Nevada. He says he’s naughty because he sleeps with some MILF or naughty young hussy in practically every town he visits.

He recently spoke with TNA citizen journalist Brian S. about the carnal side of being a carnie.

Brian S.: Do you consider yourself a naughty American?

Catfish John: I don’t know. I don’t ever hurt anyone intentionally, but naughty things just seem to happen to me.

Such as?

Well, you know, people come to carnivals for a good time, and sometimes, they want to include us carnies in the fun.

What? You get groupies?

We call them “lot lizards,” and they’re women who come to the carnival hoping to hook up with one of us carnies.

What’s the appeal? That you’re strong? Or fit?

Mostly that we’re leaving. A lot of these women are married and just want some fun on the side with someone and figure it’s better with a guy who’s going to be leaving town in a week or so. Sometimes, I meet younger women in small towns who want to go wild without having it affect their reputation or something. Some of them just want to escape from their home and run off and join the circus so they hook up with one of the ride operators. That’s how my friend met his wife. She’s 17 years younger than he is.

Wow. So how many women do you hook up with in each town?

When I was starting out, as many as possible, but since I’m a businessman, I’m more interested in earning a nut than busting one. But if, say, 1,000 people go on my ride a day, about 10 women will be more interested in riding the Catfish.

Do you consider yourself good at “customer service”?

[laughs] I do try to accommodate the women who are pretty and those who are pretty desperate.  A lot of these women are stuck in this uptight, bullshit PTA world and once in a while they just want to let go and have a fling. I know it’s not me they want. It’s the image. We carnies represent freedom at its ugliest.

How does a woman go up picking up a carnie?

I like women who are direct, but they have to understand that I’m working an 18-hour day and can’t just drop everything to fuck them in my trailer. I tell them to come back at midnight because if they do that, I know they’ll do just about anything I want.

Such as?

One time, I made a woman wait for sex because I was fixing the ride and then I rubbed the grease and oil all over her tits. She dug it, too. Then I passed her off to a pal. With her permission, of course.

Always a gentleman, I see.

It sounds funny, but I do try to be that way. Especially with the young ones. The older married ones know this isn’t permanent and just go wild. It’s like they want me to be rough with them. It’s frustrating that many of those ladies don’t want to know my name, it’s better than dealing with some young woman who thinks she wants sex, but really wants something more.

So what do you do?

Depends. Some girls are okay once you explain the reality of it. I’ll then offer to show them things that will keep any man they want happy. Little tricks I’ve learned, like rubbing the taint when the guy’s about to blow. 

Wow. It sounds like I should’ve been a carnie.

Maybe, but not everyone gets lucky. Sure, a good-looking guy with muscles will always get laid, but, for some reason, women can be selective. The guys who run the ball-tossing games and shooting galleries do better than the cotton candy salesman or the guy who takes tickets for the Ferris wheel.

Well, maybe it’s because women have this thing for power.

I think it’s because the game players have more opportunity to lay down the rap. You sell tickets and you’re behind a window and the woman only sees you once. But if you’re doing the basketball toss, you might see the same woman walking by repeatedly and you can tailor the pitch for her each time. “Hey, you’re back again, young lady. I’m jumping through hoops for you to try this game.”

Is there any rigging of prizes to seduce a woman?

I don’t know. I suppose it’s conceivable that a guy might give a bigger prize to a woman that he likes – especially if she’s got a nice body and attracts a crowd when she throws.

What is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done with a “lot lizard?”

I did a threesome with this rich bitch and another carnie once while her husband watched. He was this old coot who liked watching his wife get fucked, so we obliged. I didn’t find out until afterwards that he had had a vasectomy and she wanted to get pregnant.

I wonder if that worked out.

Well, she was so hot that I’d recognize her anywhere and a year later I saw her at the Del Mar Fair pushing a crib with a kid. We made eye contact but didn’t say anything, but the guy I did her with keeps saying it must be my kid cause it doesn’t have any front teeth.