Being Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Gets Man Laid

“Morgan" thinks he’s a naughty American because he gets laid while dressed as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle at kids parties.
He explains his sexy profession to TNA citizen journalist Bruce M.

Bruce M.: So you get laid by dressing up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle at kiddie parties?

Morgan: Yeah, and I’ve also dressed up as Spider-Man, Batman and even Mickey Mouse.

How does that work?

Well, on weekends, I supplement my income by dressing up and working at birthday parties. I’ve done it for about five years and usually I’ll tell stories, jokes, lead the kids through games while the adults get drunk.

And this gets you laid?

It has, and I’ve also been groped many times.

Shit. Like how does this happen?

Well, last week, I did a Batman birthday party for a 5-year-old in a Rancho Santa Fe.

For the record, that’s a wealthy community near San Diego.

Yes.

So what happened?

Yeah. The house was a nice ranch house with a great view. There were about 15 kids there and maybe about 10 adults. The kid was nice, but kind of shy. I was told he loved Batman, but he was shocked when I arrived in my costume.

How come?

Because he just saw a Prius, not the Batmobile.

What do you tell him?

Same as everyone else. I explained that the Batmobile uses so much gas that I use the Prius in non-emergency-related situations.

Tell me about the hook up….

Well, the kid’s mother was a total trophy wife who was starting to feel her age. She looked hot, but you could tell she was starting to get that air of desperation that older attractive women sometimes get. You know, this was a woman who is used to being the most beautiful woman in the room, but now that woman is starting to be her teenage daughter so she’s feeling that she needs to prove she still has it.

Who better than Batman, right?

Well, it wasn’t like that…. Well, it was and it wasn’t. I did the show for the kid and I was on. The kids thought I was cool and I had lots of double entendres for the adults – and since they were drinking margaritas, I got funnier the more they drank.

So what happened?

Well, I did my act and my car alarm went off (I purposely set it up that way). I tell the kids that I’m needed in Gotham City and have to run. And I walk away. This usually works out great, but I forgot to pick up the check – usually they pay half in advance, and the other half afterwards. I tried to get the woman’s attention without freaking out the kids [laughs]. It looks bad when your favorite superhero is trying to shake down your parents for money. Anyway, I met up with the woman and I got my first good look at her body. Luckily, the Batman mask hides my bulging eyeballs. She was fucking hot.

Yeah, so?

Well, she had the check, and told me she wanted to pay me in another part of the house “far away from the kids.” So she got me a margarita and I followed her while she gave me an impromptu tour. We finally ended up in what looked like an English sitting room. It looked like where they paid all the bills. She asked me about the job, but, here’s the thing, she kept talking to me in character like I was Batman and flirting with me. I played along and she got closer and started rubbing my crotch through my tights. I said, “You sure about what you’re doing? What about your husband?” And she was quick. She said, “He’s a Joker. I want Batman.” She rubbed my dick a little and I started thinking she wanted to fuck.

Gee, do ya think?

I went to take off the mask, but she shook her head no. She wanted the mask on. So while she was pulling down her panties past her skirt, I sat down at a desk chair, opened the trap door on the crotch of my tights, pulled aside the jock strap, and picked her up and just basically forced her to ride me.

Sounds hot.

It was until the end. I was about to come and I didn’t want to come in her, so I pulled her off and told her I wanted her to suck me off. She licked it a little but jerked me off so that my cum flew all over my suit. What a bitch. Dry-cleaning is expensive and it’s embarrassing asking the woman who works there – who is pretty hot herself – if she can remove the jizz from my Batman suit.

I hope she gave you a tip.

Fuck no. It was bullshit. But as a wise man once said to me, “A blowjob is its own reward.”

That was me.

OK, not so wise.

Do women come on to you a lot?

It happens more often when I do the parties. Sometimes, it’s the uniform and other times, it’s because they see me being nice to a kid. That gets them horny.

How often do you take them up on it?

It depends. It’s like life. If the woman is a beast, I might claim I have another show. If she’s cute, I’ll see where it goes. Like I dressed up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for a party last year and it was down in Santee…

For the record, that’s a white trash area near San Diego…

Anyway, I did a party for a 6-year-old and afterwards, the woman’s ex took the kids in the SUV for cake. The lady – who was a really hot and petite Filipino woman—was cleaning up and I was gathering my helium tank and picking up the popped balloons when started talking about her crazy relationship with her ex. She said, “We’re still friends, but I’m still horny.” She was touching me on the shoulder, hand or leg, while telling me all this stuff so I asked her if she still loved him. She said, “Yes, but he’s gay.” I said, “So he won’t be angry if I help you with your problem.” She said, “He might not get angry, but he might get jealous. I think he thought you were pretty hot.” I blushed, but she couldn’t see it behind my Donatello mask. Just then, I noticed her son’s pet turtle walking by and I joked, “You’re horny. Is that turtle an omen?” She looked at me with a smirk and brought me to her bedroom.

That turtle line is pretty smooth.

Once in a while I surprise myself. Anyway, I wanted to get undressed because it was fucking hot. At first, she seemed okay with it and then said, “I don’t want to offend you, but I think it would be better if you kept it on.” I told her okay, but warned her that the fucking shell on my back was going to affect the positions I could do. She was fine with that, so we did it doggy style – or turtle style – and she buried her head in the pillow so she could scream loud.

And then you left?

Yeah, but the funny thing is, I ran into her at a grocery store a few months later and introduced myself and explained how I knew her very discreetly. It took a second, but she remembered me and laughed. Then she asked for my phone number because she knew people looking to hire someone.

Oh, that was nice.

Funny thing is, she called me up at 11:30 that evening and bluntly asked me if I could come over.

Did she want the costume?

To be honest, I told her point blank: I’m not bringing the costume under any circumstances. She laughed and said that was okay if I had something else that was as hard as my turtle shell. We now have a relationship that fluctuates between booty calls and friends with benefits depending on if we’re dating other people.

Fuck yeah. Hey, what’s the wildest thing that’s happened as a result of you dressing up for kiddie parties.

I don’t know what it is about the Ninja Turtle thing, but I once had sex with one of my fellow turtles.

You’re shitting me.

No. It happened last year as well. It was in Rancho Santa Fe. In fact, that’s how the bitch who sprayed my jizz on my Batman costume got my card. The family hired two people to be Donatello and Raphael. I was Raphael and Donatello was played by a woman.

How could you tell?

From the voice and her legs. They were great legs. Anyway, we did a show together and, afterwards, I started talking with her about the biz. Sharing insider info. Anyway, she mentioned how she needed a drink after dealing with screaming kids so I told her that my place was nearby and she agreed to follow me there. We got there and had some beer and smoked some pot and, for some reason we started making out and we took our clothes off. We started getting hot and heavy and it was great because she was just a drama student at SDSU and about 10 years younger than me. We started getting ready to fuck and she said, “Let’s try it with the helmets.” I was game and we fucked a little while like that, but that was annoying to me. So I threw the helmet off my head, pulled hers off and just started fucking her like a machine.

Was she disappointed?

Maybe, at first, but I think the three orgasms she had made up for it.

Do you think any guy can get laid doing this?

No, you have to be a good performer and committed to the character. Otherwise, there’s no fantasy appeal. On the other hand, you can’t believe you’re Batman or Spider-Man. The guy who got me this job used to fuck women dressed as Spider-Man, and say things like, “With great power, comes great responsibility” during sex and the chicks just thought he was a dick.

Fucking douche bag.