Grad Student Says She’s Willing To Expand Her Sexual Horizons

“Ellie" is a grad student in Atlanta who says she’s naughty because of her open relationship with her boyfriend and willingness to try anything sexually. She sat down with TNA to give us the dirty details.

TNA: Do you consider yourself a Naughty American?

Ellie: Oh yeah, definitely. I know the word “naughty” is, sort of, shaming, maybe. Not in the context of your site, but in common parlance it might be. So I don’t buy into that version of the word but as a celebration of free expression then, yeah, absolutely, I’m naughty.

Have you always been naughty, or did something happen that caused you to throw off the shackles of non-naughtiness?

I always have been naughty. Even when I was a virgin, I was naughty in some way. I’ve always been very sexually aware and open and that grew when I became sexually active and I was able to start testing things out. So that’s been an interesting process.

You’ve done phone sex professionally, and you’re 26 now. Were you naughty when you were an undergrad?

I’ve always been open to experimentation, but if naughtiness is defined by number of partners then no, absolutely not. I was probably very “un-naughty” in that context.

Well, in terms of quality as opposed to quantity. What would be a situation where you were naughty?

I was having super high-quality sex in college. Um, I was experimenting with men and women and trying things that people don’t think about normally, like strap-on sex and BDSM. I’ve been open to all that stuff since I became sexually active and I sort of jumped into what some people might consider more advanced sexual techniques. Anal sex and all that stuff.

Were you doing anal sex as a freshman or did you wait until you were a sophomore?

[laughs] I was a virgin as a freshman and a sophomore, but during my junior and senior year, I was no longer a virgin and I had a boyfriend I was doing that stuff with.

Something like strap-on sex. Is that something he brought up or did you do that?

Well, he was bisexual and I was always asking him, “Hey, do you miss getting fucked in the butt?” and he was like, “No, it’s not a big deal.” And the more I brought it up, he would say, “Well, if you want me to.” So, that’s sort of how that happened. And with me doing anal, it was like the same thing. The first time he asked me, I was like, “I don’t know….” But after I thought about it for two weeks, I was like, “Why don’t we try that?” For me, it’s a matter of being exposed to it without being pressured and then having the time to think about it. Then I usually come around. So now, things are pretty kinky-crazy because normal sexual acts, I’ve done most of those.

In terms of experimentation what’s the latest you’ve done?

Well, I did a needle placing about a month ago.

That’s where you stick a needle in your skin and pop it out the other side?

Yeah, I let someone else do it.

Was it on your nipple, or your wrist?

It was on my back.

Did it add anything or just something you could chalk up on your list?

Well, I thought it was going to be really awesome, but it was just okay. Um, I’m into pain. I am a masochist, but this sort of pain was just annoying – like being poked. It wasn’t fun pain. I had trouble getting into it, so by the time I was done, I was like, “Okay, I don’t need to do this again.”

The biggest misconception people might think when you blog about sex is they assume you want to do it at the drop of a hat, but you occasionally want to go to dinner or a movie first, right?

Right. There’s also this perception that everything I do is sexual so, you know. My blog is focused on sex and sex is the primary lens with which I write about, and I’ve made friends through it. But if I just mention that I taught a class, people will say, “I’d like to be one of your students” and I’m like, “No, you don’t. I gave them a really difficult assignment. What do you think I do when I walk into class, strip? Of course not!” So everyone has different facets of their life. I don’t hide my sexuality, but it’s not every minute of every day what I’m thinking about. So it’s hard to be cast in that frame.

Have you ever gotten together with someone after a class?

One of my students? Noooo. But I have hooked up with one of my professors. I’ve been on the other end of that.

Was that recent?

It was two years ago. It was three days before the start of the semester and I’d had a class with him previously, and he’s one of those professors who hangs out at the bars and drinks with the grad students. So we were all drinking and, after a while, everyone left and it was just us and we started talking about sex. He invited me back to his place and my first inclination was to go for the slow burn and see what happens because the whole idea was intriguing to me, but he was like, “No, our class is starting in two days and I’ll be your instructor then, so if we’re going to do this, we should do it now.” That was a real shitty piece of logic because it wasn’t going to be any worse or better in two days. It was still a pretty weird situation no matter what. But I was like, “Let’s go for it.”

Was it worth it?

If I had been the type of person who thought it was going to mean something – and he never led me to think that – I can see if I hadn’t been in another relationship or if I had invested some feelings into this how it could have been difficult, but since I did not, it wasn’t a big deal. The semester was a bit awkward because I had to see him each week, but we never talked about it after it happened.

Is the criteria for getting together with a woman different than a man?

The attraction is the same, but I tend to be more passive when it comes to getting things started with a person for the first time. That’s why I’ve had a lot of trouble with women because a lot of them are also that way. So even if you’re talking with them clearly about what you want, if no one is willing to lean in and kiss the other, it just bottoms out eventually. I’ve find that women who can be more aggressive, it works out better.

Can you give me an example?

My boyfriend and I recently started seeing this young woman who’s really awesome and we’ve been having threesomes with her and also just spending time with her because she’s a really good friend. Um, that’s how it went with her. We all knew we wanted to sleep together but he didn’t want to make a move because he thought it would make him look sleazy, even though I told him I was fine with it. As for me, I was totally mortified by the situation. I don’t know, I just got shy around her because I was so attracted to her and intimidated by her beauty. But she made the move on me. It started out really playful. “Hey, can I caress your breasts?” or “Hey, can I suck on your nipples?” And I’m like, “Oh, all right.” And that’s how things proceeded and once things are going that well I’m capable of kicking things into gear and moving them along.

For the record, even though you’re a masochist, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily a submissive, right?

You’re right. I consider myself a switch and I’m very much a sadist so I enjoy beating people. Um, I find that sexually I’m submissive, but in play situations such as bondage or pain, I can do both. Recently, I’ve been mostly a submissive because I’m in a learning mode where I learning about various techniques and tools. It’s very overwhelming.

What kind of tools?

All the things you can beat people with [laughs]. So I’m trying to learn by receiving it, because I think it’s better to try it before I start walloping on other people.