Time Is Now To Regulate Bukkake Industry

SAN DIEGO (TNA) – During a Naughty America Live chat two weeks ago, porn actress Trisha Rey revealed that she recently did a bukkake scene where two guys got into a fistfight over who would be number 18 to come on her face.

This is completely uncacceptable. Rey’s face was there for everyone to come on, and men should never come to blows over where they stand in the bukkake line. I find the conflict extremely troublesome and believe it’s time for Congress to clean up our nation’s bukkake industry.

We’re in the midst of a rugged, unregulated era in American bukkake. From errant cum shots temporarily blinding actresses to men popping on the guy in front of them, it’s chaos. And it’s just a matter of time before some guy pops on the wrong dude and a real fracas breaks out.

Bukkake work isn’t for everyone. For some reason, some men just hate being the 112th guy to nail a chick. Other guys hate waiting in line no matter where they are, whether it’s in a San Fernando Valley warehouse or Disneyland.

Unfortunately, there is currently no way to police the bukkake industry. Congress can remedy this, however, by setting up a governing body – I like the sound of the “Bukkake Federation of America” – then drafting a Bill of Rights and set of best-practices.

Incidentally, I take an interest in the bukkake industry that we’ll pass on to our children, and have spent several weekends working up some of the bylaws that I think the Federation ought to adopt:

1. Male performers in 100-person gang bang scenes aren’t pieces of meat. They’re family men, veterans, and members of the community. Whether they’re number 1 or 99, they deserve the respect and support of the community.

2. Each and every man has a right to shoot his load on the woman’s face. From male no. 1 to male no. 500, everyone shall have equal access to resources. These are the principles that our nation was founded on.

3. To ensure the orderly progression of male performers, all males, immediately after coming on the actress’ face, will proceed to an antechamber where they will dress and await outprocessing.

4. The Federation recognizes that penis-slapping a woman after a male has ejaculated on her face is intuitive. However, it also hampers the smooth flow of the gang bang. Therefore, after the male “at bat” shoots his load, he may slap his penis on the woman’s face no more than three times before moving to outprocessing.

5. In lieu of penis-slapping, the “batter” may ask the actress to fellate the remaining semen from him for no more than five seconds.

6. In a 500-person gang bang, males 400-500 shall have a representative at the head of the line to ensure that their needs are being met. For example, should pizza be ordered, the representative will work diligently to see that slices with premium toppings reach males 400-500.

7. Incidental penis-to-ass contact shall be permitted. Penis-to-penis contact, however, is strictly forbidden. Any such contact, whether intentional or inadvertent, shall be brought to the attention of the director and mediation may be necessary. In addition, a mental health counselor will be on hand to help performers address the anxiety of penis-to-penis contact.

8. Any male who shoots his load on the ass of the participant in front of him is subject to immediate expulsion from the set.

9. So as to avoid conflict, no eye contact shall be made with any male who is manually stimulating himself. As such a male is in a heightened state of arousal, the potential for aggression is high.

10. If a male feels that he is going to ejaculate before his appointed time, his “at bat” may be expedited. However, the incident shall be recorded on his permanent record and a written warning will be issued.

11. Numerology has no place in gang bangs. Neither directors nor performers have any responsibility to honor requests from male performers to be assigned a certain number. Thus, an athlete who has always worn the number 22 shall not be assigned the number 22 because it’s “their” number.

12. Directors should pay special attention to problem numbers in large bukkake scenes: Number 13 shall not use his number as an excuse for inability to perform. Number 69 shall not perform any act on the woman other than ejaculating on her face.

Ultimately, with Congress’ help, our country will get to the point where pornographers from around the world – even Japan – will emulate the orderly way in which we shoot our bukkake scenes.

 

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