Girl On Girl: Dana DeArmond

Porn celebrities have the experience, and college girls have the curiosity. So, what happens when you pair a hot female porn star with an equally hot coed for a little “girl talk?” You get a refreshingly candid confab – something we call “Girl on Girl.” Shahrazad Encinias stars as our college girl. Each week she’ll speak with a different star about lust, love, porn, and naughtiness.

This week: Dana DeArmond

The Naughty American: How did you get into the porn industry?
Dan DeArmond: I saw an ad on the Internet and I applied.

TNA: How was the application process?
DD: It’s just right there on the Internet. You just send in pictures and you say what you’re interested in doing and what you do and don’t do. Your stats. It’s like any adult company.

TNA: Was porn something you always thought of as a career choice?
DD: No. Most normal children don’t watch porn, at least when I was a kid.

TNA: I mean, when you were in high school and knew about this profession.
DD: I don’t know. I saw Playboy when I was younger and I always thought that it was a really good representation of women being beautiful. I always liked that idea and I always hoped that I would grow up to be sexy or beautiful or be with somebody like that, at least. It worked out. I’ve always been a performer. I was a figure skater when I was younger and I worked at Disney World as a dancer in the entertainment department. It was the first job I ever had. I also worked at Universal Studios. Then I was a stripper after that. After I turned 18, I was a stripper because I was good at performing and dancing and being on stage. I could make more money and I could drink. They didn’t care that I was underage. That was kind of fun, when I was younger, but I don’t drink anymore.

TNA: Did you just grow out of it?
DD: Yeah. I’ve been sober for almost five years.

TNA: Wow.
DD: I know.

TNA: How long have you been in the industry?
DD: Since February 2004. My first appearance was on “Hogtied.” I started off doing bondage and S&M videos. I kind of started to see more people in the industry. There was an overlap of people doing regular porn and then go and work for sites. So I slowly started to meet more people. I’ve done so much Internet stuff and people were starting to ask where they can get DVDs, but I never made a DVD. I started meeting people and getting more involved and doing mainstream kind of movies. I’m with Mark Spiegler, my agent. Since working with him, I have doubled my portfolio in the last nine months. I’ve done so much and he’s made my name just so much bigger, just the exposure of having a good agent. I have to give him a lot of credit, he’s amazing. Well, him and MySpace, I would give them all the credit. The first movie I ever did was with Tommy Pistol, we were coming up together at the same time. It was “Neu Wave Hookers,” I played Traci Lords and he played Gregory Darks discovering me at a car wash. I gave him a blowjob in the bathroom of a car wash.

TNA: Do you see Tommy Pistol all the time?
DD: I see Tommy all the time. I see him a lot more now, because he used to live in New York and come back and forth. I would only see him when I would go to New York or when he would come to L.A. He’s a fantastic person. I couldn’t be happier for him. It’s always really nice to see … when you’re coming up in the industry there’s always some of your friends you have falling-outs with, or they fall into something not wholesome or productive and they kind of fall to the wasted side and you have other friends that become real successful, you can see them and it’s like watching your baby grow or something. Do you know what I mean? It’s cheesy. When we started it was, like, “Tommy Pistol, who’s this guy from Queens?” And all of a sudden he’s worked for Naughty America, he’s married to Gia Paloma and they have a baby on the way and they’re, like, totally living the American Dream. I think it’s totally cute. It’s a really good example for people in porn because everyone’s always, like, “How could anyone love you? You’re in porn.” People love each other all the time. People have assumptions and don’t realize that porn stars are also people and they have households, families, parents that love them and children that love them. I don’t know … I don’t do interviews that often because I’m crazy. I say whatever is on my mind.

TNA: I don’t think you’re crazy, but if that’s who you are…
DD: So what.

TNA: I noticed that during your Naughty America live chat that you can put your feet over your head.
DD: Yeah, I just noticed that too.

TNA: Was that your first time?
DD: I guess. I do it in scenes, but I don’t really notice it as much, you don’t really feel the stretch of it, but I’m a pretty bendy person. I’m a little out of shape for my own liking, but recently I’ve been going to the gym. I got really really in shape but I cut back a little bit. I’m pretty flexible. I’m no Katarina Kat or anything. I was never in the Russian circus or Cirque du Soleil.

TNA: Although you did do dance for a while.
DD: Yeah, definitely. I was also a stripper. Actually, I used to strip with someone from Naughty America.

TNA: Really?
DD: Yeah, we were both strippers and she’s actually seen drunk Dana. It’s so funny because I have all these other friends who met me post-sobriety and they’re like, “I wish I had a time machine to see drunk Dana.” I’m like, “No. It’s really bad.” It’s crazy.

TNA: Are you into both guys and girls?
DD: Yeah.

TNA: For a serious relationship, not just a sexual relationship.
DD: Well, Daniel is my boyfriend and he’s definitely a guy. I’ve been monogamous with Daniel and I chose him to be my life partner. He happens to be a guy. I do have pretty romantic relationships with girls in the friendship department, but I don’t casually have sex with girls outside of work. It’s pretty irrelevant. It’s not like, “I have sex with girls. I’m a lesbian.” No. I see everything on a gray scale.

TNA: You can’t help who you fall in love with.
DD: Yes. Daniel and I have been together for over two years. He just turned 20 when we met. It was cute.

TNA: So he’s younger. 
DD: Yes, he’s six years younger than me. But my brother and his girlfriend are 11 years apart. She’s 36 and he’s 25. It kind of runs in the family.

TNA: That’s cougar territory. That’s awesome!
DD: I like my brother’s girlfriend, she’s awesome. She is a very smart person.

TNA: Cool.
DD: She’s kind of like me, but not in the creepy sense. She’s got the same outlook on life. She is, like, a single-minded person. There are a lot of girls that are, like, “I don’t know what I think. I think what boys think. I don’t know what to think so the boys should tell me.” There are a lot of girls like that or they’re like dragon ladies. But she is like me. She’s a mellow individual and gets her shit done. She’s a feminist.

TNA: I read somewhere that you used to play the flute when you were younger.
DD: When I was in middle school, there was this thing where you had to take different electives every quarter. I had to take choir, even though I can’t sing at all, first semester. Then they do phys ed for part of the semester, then they make you take band. Band was, like, the easiest thing because you can, like, blend in. It’s obvious when you’re just walking around the track in PE and not really doing anything. In band, I was second to last chair flute and I was cool with that because I got a grade, showed up and didn’t even play most of the music I chose flute because it was the smallest instrument. I was, like, “I’m not carrying around a fucking …” My brother played French horn and I told him he was retarded. I was like, “That’s stupid. You have to carry around that big awkward case on the bus and people have to see you with it.” He actually did pretty well in band. My brother kind of did everything I did when I was younger. He was actually pretty good at almost everything. He’s never done porn, though. I tried to waitress one time and I couldn’t do it and he has fully worked at Denny’s. I’m like, “Wow! You’re a stronger person than I am.”

TNA: I guess it wasn’t your calling.   
DD: No, definitely. I think I found it. I don’t like to talk much about myself. I veer the conversation away from me, I get embarrassed. I feel like I’m like, “Here are all the reasons why I’m great. Listen to me.”

TNA: You’re a porn celebrity and people want to know more about you.
DD: I know. There was one site where they tried to interview me and all the questions were like, “What was it like growing up?” And I was like, “I am not going to answer these questions.” They were like, “How do you feel about the war in Iraq?” I was like, “Oh my God, are these people serious?” So I declined the interview and they posted my e-mail. This is why I don’t do interviews very much. They posted my e-mail saying I didn’t want to answer any of the questions because I thought they were stupid and they were like, “Dana DeArmond has no sense of humor. We know our questions are stupid. She could have humored us.” I was like, “Are you fucking kidding me! Crazy people.” This made me very upset and I called the guy’s boss and I said, “You can’t post my personal information. You can’t post my personal e-mail on the Internet, that’s fucked up.” And this person’s boss said, “Well, you’re a celebrity and so you don’t have any right for privacy.”

TNA: What?
DD: And I said, “You’re a fucking asshole!” And I hung up on her.

TNA: That is so wrong.
DD: “You’re a celebrity so you have no right to privacy.” I was like, not only is that creepy but it is so rude.

TNA: Don’t worry, we won’t post up your e-mail or anything.
DD: Or ask me, “What was it like growing up?” I’m like, “I was real small and then my bones grew.” That’s exactly how I grew. “My bones fused together.”

TNA: With the cartilage and shit.
DD: Yeah. I was about 8 pounds and now I’m about 132 pounds, that’s what it’s like. I went from stage A to stage B. I don’t know what the hell they wanted from me.

TNA: Do you get recognized in public a lot?
DD: Yeah. The thing is that I don’t really leave my house a lot. I’m a real homebody. I usually only leave the house—I don’t really know how to cook—to go out and eat in restaurants. And I always have food in my mouth when somebody comes up to me and they’re like, “Are you Dana?” I’m like, “Yeah. Do you want to join us?” I always have food in my mouth and it’s embarrassing. Or they send me a message on MySpace and say, “I saw you eating at so-and-so place but I didn’t want to bother you.” That’s even worse. It’s really creepy.

TNA: Yeah, because you don’t even know who’s writing it.
DD: Yeah, because they’re like burning a hole in me while I’m trying to eat eggs Benedict. Like, staring at me, like, “Oh my God,” instead of just saying, “Hey,” or something. I also get recognized at the gym constantly. That’s the other place I go when I leave my house. Other people talk to me at the grocery store. But I think people do that. It’s like …

TNA: Talking territory.
DD: Exactly. It’s where weirdos come and try to pick up women. It’s kind of weird. It’s kind of like a stomping ground. I was in the chip aisle one day and there was this guy and he was like, “Oh man, I’m looking for club soda.” I was like, “You can use Diet Sprite, it looks the same.” He was like, “Ha ha. I need ingredients to make drinks.” He was doing this thing where you want people to ask you what’s going on with you. “Oh I’m Mojitos.” But I don’t drink so I don’t care about that shit. But, he doesn’t know that and probably thinks I look like a slutty alcoholic. I was like, “You might want to look in the mixer aisle.” He was like, “Oh my God you’re so smart.” And I said, “Oh I know.” I’m an asshole to people sometimes. But I try to be nice to my fans. I usually invite them to sit and eat with me after they creepily recognize me when I’m having coffee or breakfast or whatever. But random grocery store nerds, I’m like, “Huh, yeah whatever. I got to go get some tampons.” Be obnoxious. Be like, “Oh man, they locked up the Monistat behind the counter. I got to go ask them about that.”

TNA: Or the Vagistat.
DD: Yeah! Something gnarly that will make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t care, I already have my piece of ass at home. I don’t need to impress anybody.

TNA: Whatever.
DD: Watch someone come up and tell someone from work, “Yeah, Dana has some swelled up yeast infection happening. She was totally talking to me at the grocery story. She’s totally crazy. Spoiled.”

TNA: That’s nasty. Speaking of nasty, have you seen “Two Girls One Cup?”
DD: Yeah. I don’t think it’s real. It doesn’t look that authentic to me. It looks like something that has been pre-whipped and injected into the butt. It doesn’t look like poop. I imagine for it to look … it just looks like whipped butter or like whipped cream cheese. It’s just too fluffy looking to be poop. It looked gross, but it didn’t look real either. The throwing up looked real, I thought it was interesting. The thing that I find most interesting about “Two Girls One Cup” is that they’re eating their shit and doing all this nasty stuff, supposedly there is the smell of shit everywhere but the girl still has to put her finger down her throat to vomit. If I was covered in shit, I would have no problem vomiting. Just the thought of having shit smeared on me can make me throw up. I think that was a little suspicious.

TNA: Maybe they just got used to it.
DD: Maybe they were so into it.

TNA: I saw another nasty video like that today, “Four Girls Finger Paint.”
DD: Really?

TNA: Oh, it was beyond nasty.
DD: Was it real?

TNA: So real. It was not fake. I stopped watching it, but I did hear the guys I was with get grossed out.
DD: You’re being a wienie.

TNA: I can’t imagine a guy taking a dump on my chest.
DD: There are people that watch it.

TNA: I’m kind of weak when it comes to that stuff.
DD: When doing porn you come across some things. You become pretty immune to bodily functions. It doesn’t really bother you as much. Shit happens.