Mike Pettit
SAN DIEGO (TNA) – Some guys will buy their special lady chocolates, flowers or lingerie on Valentine’s Day.
But one San Diego-area man plans to spend his V-Day giving his wife a little nookie, then hopping into the sack with his girlfriend, followed by some philandering with a few other lady friends.
And it’s all on the up-and-up.
In fact, Michael McClure says his wife has been coaching him on how to better court and serenade his extra-marital lovers to ensure the spark is still there. It’s the least she can do on a day recognized as the day to express romance and love.
“[My wife] Kamala is encouraging me to do extra things for my lovers,” he said, adding that he’s learned using candles may add a little spice to his dates.
McClure and wife Kamala Devi are polyamorous, meaning they allow each other to experience sexual relationships outside the marriage – even on the most romantic day of the year.
It may be appropriate, in fact, since McClure and Devi met on Valentine’s Day. They were at a social gathering in 2002, and that night both exchanged numbers with the same woman – “Veronica” – without the other knowing.
For a while, McClure and Devi dated, and unbeknownst to the other, each also saw “Veronica” from time to time. After a while, the dust eventually settled, and all three discovered they had something in common. The outcome was a fleshy pile of love.
“We ended up becoming lovers with her, as a threesome,” McClure said.
This year, McClure and Devi, who hold polyamorous workshops, will celebrate their anniversary with about 50 fellow polyamorists at a three-day, V-Day free-for-all in Guadalupe Canyon, Mexico, where no doubt the lovin’ will be rampant.
“Valentine’s Day is a special day for poly people, too,” McClure said. “I will be extra-special to all my lovers.”
That said, McClure will certainly have his hands full carrying out his Romeo duties for Devi and his serious girlfriend “Susan,” as well as a few “play partners.”
And, sure enough, you can bet Devi won’t be sitting home alone while her hubby lives the dream of monogamous men everywhere. She’ll be plenty busy with two serious boyfriends and several play partners of her own, according to McClure.
But, on Valentine’s Day in particular, it’s important that polyamorists take a bit of caution, according to Dossie Easton, a marriage and family therapist and co-author of numerous books on sexuality, including “The Ethical Slut” (Greenery Press).
“You have to be extra careful to make sure every relationship gets honored,” Easton said. “There’s no ‘win’ in poly from depriving people of pleasure,” she said.
Kypris Aster Drake, a San Diego-area tantra teacher and polyamorist, can testify to that. She recalls one especially disappointing Valentine’s Day, ruined by a lover’s indecisiveness over whether he wanted to spend time with her or another woman.
Confident he was a no-show, Aster decided she wasn’t about to wait around any longer – something she recommends to all polyamorists.
“Make plans on a first-come, first-served basis,” she said.
Aside from getting all their fucks in a row on V-Day, polyamorists also must consider the gift factor. Buying a wife or girlfriend a bouquet of roses and some chocolates is relatively simple for most men. But things can get complicated when multiple partners are involved and a night of abundant sex hangs in the balance.
That’s why McClure would rather err on the side of caution – spend more to ensure he gets his rocks off with his women, especially Devi, his primary lover.
“If I hadn’t gotten laid, I’d buy her more expensive gifts,” he laughed.
But that could make for quite the pricey Valentine’s Day, especially for polyamorist playboys looking to shower each and every one of their paramours with pleasurable treasures. To remedy that, McClure suggests buying in bulk.
Giving each partner the same present isn’t unheard of, but Easton advises polyamorous V-Day shoppers to show a little tact when it comes to delivering equal goods to numerous lovers. “In that case,” she warned, “I do not recommend getting the same exact piece of jewelry.”
So, while some poly people will be shopping at Costco in the coming days, others, like Madison Young, like to mix it up for Valentine’s Day.
“I think each lover deserves something unique to his or her likes and desires,” said Young, a San Francisco-based adult entertainment performer and international bondage model.
Last year she gave her girlfriend roses and earrings, then fed her strawberries during a picnic. Hours later, Young took her boyfriend to see one of his favorite bands, then for some late-night sushi before reading him an erotic story she’d penned.
“I’m also a huge fan of giving mix tapes or CD’s, or love coupons that he or she can redeem for things like ‘foot rub,’ ‘erotic massage,’ ‘bondage,’ ‘anal sex,’ ‘shopping spree,’ ‘public sex,’ or whatever your partner really loves but that you have a hard time finding time for,” Young said.
For some polyamorists, it’s easier to celebrate Valentine’s Day in one shot, so to speak, as Drake did in 2006 when she hosted a dessert party for her three lovers. She hasn’t committed to holding another group gathering again this year, though – especially since her cache of suitors has climbed to four.
In fact, she’s considering celebrating this Valentine’s Day with her lovers over several days – all the better to give each individual attention, including one man with whom she has yet to spend the night.
But she’s not ruling anything out.
Who knows, perhaps her Feb. 14 will become the perfect V-Day, at least as Easton sees it – namely, one big flesh party where everybody leaves satisfied.
“I see no reason why a Valentine’s party couldn’t be a nice orgy,” she said.