LOS ANGELES (TNA) – The question of which animal has a vagina most like a human being’s has probably not kept you up at night, but – if you’re a typical, red-blooded, American male – it’s probably crossed your mind at some point. The creators of Spike TV’s runaway, late-night hit, “MANswers” are counting on it.

What’s more: they know the answer.

“It’s called a dugong, and it’s this manatee-like mammal,” reveals “MANswers” producer Adam Cohen. “At some point, years ago, horny sailors would fuck these beached animals. It’s historical fact.

“And we talked to a gynecologist who confirmed it for us,” he adds. “There’s very little difference between a dugong vagina and a human woman’s.”

Answering such queries is the bread and butter of “MANswers,” loosely adapted from a Japanese game show by Cohen and producing partners Joanna Vernetti and Cara Topper, and earning stellar late-night ratings for Spike-TV. A second season launches Sept. 17.

Past and future installments – fast-paced, irreverent, and featuring ghoulishly over-the-top reenactments -- dig deep for the facts about such outlandish questions as: What is a crushing video? Can you freeze your farts and smell them later? Do boobs float? Can taking a shit kill you?

“I don’t really want to tell my mom about this show,” admits Cohen, “but I am proud of it.”

The show, in its late-night berth, has routinely attracted a larger audience of men ages 18-34 than talk show hosts like David Letterman, Jay Leno, and Conan O’Brien. Cohen – who also produces NBC’s Dennis Miller-hosted game show “Amnesia” – believes it’s because “MANswers” really knows its audience and gives them exactly what they want.

“Guys want to know when you fart and a little shit winds up in your underwear. Guys want to talk about that. It’s honest. It’s what Howard Stern does,” says Cohen.

“It’s hard being a man these days. We have to be so reserved in society most of the time, so it’s nice for guys to be able to retreat into their caves and put on a show that discusses things they really want to talk about,” he says.

“We love facts. We love sex. We love comedy,” Cohen says. “You get the whole fucking kit-and-caboodle with this show.”

Producer Joanna Vernetti doesn’t believe the show is alienating to woman, though she admits some woman find “MANswers” offensive.

“I think it’s all in fun,” she says. “And for guys, I think the show feels kind of dangerous. Is it porn without being porn? I don’t know.”

If “MANswers” were only about titillation and jollies, it would quickly fall into the cultural wastebasket. It’s the facts – dutifully researched – that drives the show and, even, helps it provide a public service.

For example, Cohen suggests, “Maybe there’s a really soft, caring guy out there who will woo that dugong and love her the way she deserves to be loved. Maybe that’s a great relationship. Maybe this information is providing new opportunities for people.”

“MANswers” begins its production process at a round table presided over by writer Mike Miller and his magic bell. Eight scribes volley provocative questions and ideas across a table. If Miller rings his bell, the idea moves forward into production. If the bell remains silent, the idea is shelved.

“You walk by the room and you hear all these ideas going around, and then someone says, ‘Yeah, I don’t know about things that smell like shit, but hey, can you smoke your own shit?’” Cohen laughs. “And someone’s, like, ‘That’s an interesting question.’ And then we go from there.”

Once the questions are mounted, producers employ a team of researchers and interns to unearth historical and scientific data to formulate responses.

“Research is a huge part of our show,” says Vernetti. “We actually do have an enormous reverence for science. We just use it for our own evil purposes.”

“The most important thing with this show is who will tell us the facts and how can we show the facts in an entertaining way,” says Cohen.

Once the data is in place, producers draft daffy reenactment scenarios, hiring actors to play out eye-poppingly grotesque sequences. Cohen is particularly fond of the reenactment featured in the “Dump or Death” bit, which posited the question: “Can you die from taking a shit?”

Producers learned that you, in fact, can die from moving your bowels, and that impacted feces are one of the things that felled Elvis Presley. To illustrate, producers converted their office hallway into a makeshift colon with a computer-generated sphincter – added in post-production – on one end.

“And then we had these three guys, dressed in brown hoodies, running up and down the hallway, acting like pieces of shit,” laughs Cohen. “Two of them were skinny, but the third guy, he was just fucking huge.

“He was the shit that could kill you,” he says.

Cohen and Vernetti insist they’ve never had a problem with casting, not even for actors to play deadly turds.

“It’s Hollywood, man,” says Cohen. “I think it’s an outlet for actors.”

Cohen and Vernetti say Spike has never vetoed any of their suggestions, a fact verified by Spike TV’s Wayne Sampson, director of Original Series.

“There truly hasn’t been anything too taboo on this show, or on the table for this show,” Sampson said. “We’ve never gone too far. Yet. It’s all factual.”

Still, Cohen put the brakes on a piece about why baby seals are traditionally clubbed to death instead of, say, shot or stabbed to death.

“I just found the idea personally off-putting. I didn’t want to glorify the killing of seals,” he admits. “But then the writers reminded me, ‘If we’re going to examine some things, we should examine all things.’ And we started looking for real science and data to answer the question. And we found it.”

Cohen relishes the total creative freedom to plumb the recesses of his own disturbed mind, answering the questions that cause him and his peers to lose the most sleep.

“You guys want answers? We’ve got them,” he boasts. “’MANswers’ is the raw shit – both literally and figuratively. We just don’t give a shit if we offend people.”

Did you enjoy this article?

You must register to leave comments

Comments