Cynthia Plaster Caster: Naughty American

SAN DIEGO (TNA) -- You’ve heard the phrase, “Do what you love and fame and fortune will follow”? In the case of Cynthia Plaster Caster, it was more like, Do who you love.

Vivid Video

For 40 years, Cynthia Plaster Caster has been immortalizing the penises of musicians by casting them in plaster.

Plaster Caster has a unique place in Naughty American history as being perhaps the most artistic groupie ever to suck a rock star’s dick. Her claim to fame is a series of plaster penises lovingly made by her hands, after she and her friends had made each rock star’s member hard enough for immortalization.

For 40 years, Caster has been meeting, greeting and sometimes beating off rockers of various levels of fame in order to put their penises in plaster casts. Some of the legends who’ve made her short list include Jimi Hendrix, Dead Kennedys singer Jello Biafra and “Candy Man” composer Anthony Newley.

By memorializing the members of music legends, Caster has earned a unique place in rock history and, more importantly, the Naughty American Hall of Fame. Gene Simmons even wrote a song about her, “Plaster Caster,” that appeared, appropriately enough, on the “Love Gun” album.

Born Cynthia Albritton, Caster grew up in Chicago in what she calls “a dysfunctional working class family” where she was the “only child of a horny alcoholic father and strict conservative mother.” Although she was shy and awkward in her teenage years, she found solace in the “bulging crotches and rockin’ tunes” of her favorite rock bands.

Vivid Video

Although Caster looks sweet and innocent here, she is one of the most famous groupies in rock history.

However, she soon leaped above the pack while attending college in Chicago when she discovered her cock-casting calling at the tender age of 19.

It happened one fateful day when her art professor asked students to plaster cast something solid that could retain its shape. Immediately, a penis-shaped light bulb appeared above her head and she decided to ask the musicians touring with the Dick Clark Caravan of Stars if she “could cast their solid somethings.”

Those first attempts at plaster casting didn’t work, but something just as important happened that weekend: Caster reportedly lost her virginity to Mark Lindsay, lead singer of Paul Revere and the Raiders.

It took two years for Caster to learn the intricacies of cock casting, but word spread about her and her pal, nicknamed “Pest.” Their raunchy rep allowed them access to various touring musicians who were willing to be tools for the learning process.

But when Caster learned that the Jimi Hendrix Experience was coming to town, she knew she had to get her shit together and figure out the proper penis preservation technique. Luckily, two male friends were happy to help her by dipping their dicks into a dental mold called “alginates” that worked perfectly.

Hendrix had heard about Caster and happily volunteered his wang for the cock-casting cause. But it was hard – at least Hendrix was, thanks to the help of Caster’s new pal, Dianne, who helped prepare the guitarist by blowing him while Caster mixed the mold.

Caster says Hendrix’s pubes got stuck in the mold because she didn't lube them enough, requiring her to spend 15 minutes pulling out each individual hair. She says this unexpected delay made him late for his show that evening, where he was seen scratching his crotch a lot onstage.

These days, a copy of that original Hendrix cast sells for $1500, and her close relationship with his member is why she is quoted as an authority in the new Vivid documentary, “Jimi Hendrix: The Sex Tape.”

The Hendrix connection has paid off in other ways. Although she’s been casting cocks for about 40 years, musicians still consider it an honor to be chosen by Caster. Established art galleries all over the world have displayed her dicks as well.

And not everybody makes the cut. Caster says she has to respect an artist in order to consider casting him or her. Yes, her. Caster is honoring female musicians like Peaches and Yeah Yeah Yeahs singer Karen O. by making plaster casts of their tits.

However, Justin Timberlake is absent from her collection.

But what makes Caster a true Naughty American is that she is willing to share her naughty knowledge. Although she is the original plaster caster, for $2,500 plus expenses she offers two-day seminars to couples who want to learn her trade secrets.

Just think about it: From one germ of an idea – casting dicks in order to hook up with rock stars – comes a whole community of penis plasterers. If that’s not worth entry into the Naughty American Hall of Fame, I don’t know what is.

Congratulations, Ms. Caster: We’d give you a trophy, but we just ran out of plaster.