Naughty Horoscopes April 19-25
APRIL 19, 2008
The Sun In Taurus And Full Moon In Scorpio Kicks Off Crazed Week
On Saturday, April 19, at 9:51 a.m. PDT, the Sun will enter lusty Taurus, the earth sign that has managed to delete the word "no" from its vocabulary. Yep, Taurus is known and loved for its insatiable appetite and over-the-top indulgence across the board.
So whether we're talking about food, sex, clothes, jewelry, homes or simple garden-variety hoarding, those born under the sign of the bull have their eye on it all and aim to own as much of it as they can get. With their super-duper xxx sense of entitlement, Taureans trump the other 11 signs the zodiac hands down. When something or someone a Taurus desires catches their eye, they typically dig in their heels and wait out anyone who tries to stop them from acquiring the object of desire and win.
When the Sun is in Taurus, greed, lust, gluttony, sloth and vanity all rise to the occasion and expand: But lest wrath and envy feel left out, they shouldn't: The Scorpio Full Moon on April 20 has 'em both covered.
MyFirstSexTeacher.com Happy birthday to Summer Storm, who turns 34 April 23.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sometimes you just gotta know when to quit or do what you need to do privately and below the radar. This is no week to take on a boss or anyone with the authority to clip your wings (or your wang) permanently. Don't waste sexual energy on anyone who can't or won't pay their way -- no matter how hot they are. Their lack of generosity will show up in the sack too.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In the mood to overdo it? Here are your choices: Eat and drink till you burst, max out your credit cards, bang yourself into oblivion and worry about it later; or you can be practical and do all the aforementioned but with a well-compensated nanny/designated driver to make sure your rent is paid and you get home in one piece. Just have him/her sign a confidentiality agreement up front.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What may start out as some light fun with a person of interest could quickly plunge into something very serious, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. The sex would be out of this world, but this tempting "package" is high maintenance and there would be a financial requirement on your part to keep it going: Are you up for the intensity and the commitment?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get set for a dynamic week that could either culminate in the fulfillment of your biggest wet dream or your worst nightmare. It all depends on how you play your hand. Someone you thought was on the same page as you may not be in sync with your sense of humor. Use your sensitivity to tune into where they're coming from lest you make an ass of yourself.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): This week, keep in mind that it's more important to look good than to be good. All eyes are on you, baby, and so is the pressure to live up to more than one person's fantasy of a dream date. You won't necessarily have to deliver on that fantasy immediately, but you are setting the stage for the future. Fake it till you make it.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): This prolonged dry spell you've been experiencing is about to end and the rain is on its way. But until it arrives, you can and should move things along by clearing out the energetic residue of past relationships that failed and liaisons that drained you. True, it's a pain to look for those old condoms that fell under the bed, but – honestly - would you want to find any of that stuff in someone else's bedroom?
NaughtyOffice.com This week, Leos like Jennifer Dark should concern themselves with looking good more than feeling good.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Whoever said that Libra was the sign of peace and harmony was lying through their teeth. This week will prove that beyond a doubt. But the battles that await you could be rather stimulating and you could come out the winner and on top -- if you catch my drift. You're balancing several situations (and sexual prospects) at once, but career obligations must come first. Let all concerned parties know that up front.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A very hot Scorpio once said to me, "It's always better to give than to receive," and he was as good as his word. Think about that this week as you walk and work your sexual beat. You'll get a lot more action and long-term interest if you focus on the satisfaction of those you come into close contact with.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your love life is hopping and you could be tempted to throw all caution to the wind. But no matter how funny you think a sexual prank or practical joke is, refrain from carrying it out -- it could have very dangerous results. On the other hand, a little voyeurism could make up for the frustration and it's a good week to add a new favorite to your porn collection and invite some friends over to watch.
IHaveAWife.com Librans like Harmony are trying to balance career prospects with carnal pleasure.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Though career always comes first and your ambitious nature knows no bounds, you're due to blow off some steam and overdue for a perversion/diversion. As long as the parties involved are consenting adults, you really should consider expanding your repertoire: Pretend you're in a swing state (even if you're not) and set up a three-way, one that begins innocently but escalates as per your plan.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If Little Bo Peep loses her sheep and stumbles into your neck of the woods and needs your help, would your place be ready for what could transpire? You've always been a good neighbor - Now's your chance to prove just how good a neighbor you are. Bottom line: Clean up your act or you'll blow a good thing before it gets a chance to blow you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Someone who you never realized had a thing for you makes their interest known and it puts you in a delicate spot. On the one hand you're flattered and very interested, but on the other, you may feel guilty about cheating on someone who isn't even exclusively "yours." Don't be a fool: Passion without guilt sure beats the heck out of guilt without passion any day of the week.
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April 20: Kayla Synz (36)
April 21: Kiara Marie (21)
April 22: Lena Juliett (23); Paola Rey (27); Max Mikita (34)
April 23: Brandi May (22); Summer Storm (34); Summer Sinn (36)
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