AVN 2008 Blog: Post Script
JANUARY 14, 2008
In retrospect, I learned an important lesson at AVN: The most obnoxious phrase you'll hear at a porn convention is, "She wants me, dude."
Usually, it occurs when two guys have just met their favorite porn star and found her to be polite.
"Dude, did you see that? She totally wants me!"
"No, man, she wants ME!"
I heard that countless times and in only one case did I believe that might be the case. And that was when a sexy actress walked away from talking with another sexy actress and told her friend, "I think she wants me."
I think she did.
-- David B. Moye, 3:35 p.m.
***
My friend Bo calls me Saturday night.
I haven’t spoken to him in a while. Bo’s from mainland China, but lives in the States and works as an engineer for a telecom company. Sitting in a cubicle isn’t what he dreamed about when he was a kid in China – banging white women and surfing is what he dreamed about. He doesn’t know I’m covering AVN in Vegas.
“What are you doing?” he asks, enunciating every sylable.
“I’m at a porn convention in Las Vegas.”
Silence.
Leopard J. Ferry
“What?”
“I’m in Las Vegas, getting paid to hang out with porn stars.”
“Oh my God,” he says, awed. “Man, I envy you.”
“Bo, you make twice what I do. You get a free cell phone. What are you envying me for?”
“Yeah, but your job is twice as interesting. Have you talked to any porn stars?”
He doesn’t quite get that these women exist in the material world, not just in fantasies or pixilated form.
“Bo, I’ve talked to dozens and photographed dozens more. For the last two nights I’ve been drinking and chatting with white women who fuck for a living.”
“Shit, man, you must be having a great time.”
“Well, it’s hard work, Bo. Spending all day with porn stars can be very tiring.”
“So, are you going to go out with some tonight?”
“Nah, I’m too tired. I’ve seen enough for today. You know what I mean?”
“No, actually I don't," he mumbles. "This is too depressing. Call me when you get back to San Diego.” He hangs up.
Talking to Bo about work never gets old.
--Leopard J. Ferry, 2:36 p.m.
***
Three young fraternity-type guys were lingering in front of the Venetian Friday night watching all the porn women walk by. One of the guys (in white pants and a golf shirt) attempted to chat up a group that had just stepped out of a limo.
“Hey, where you going?” he asked. “A bachelorette party?”
Rich laughter all around as the women walked past him, on to the Circle Bar.
--Leopard J. Ferry, 12:25 p.m.
***
Three days of near-naked porn stars, sex toys and freak-flag waving conventioneers at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas last week stimulated me so much that I’ve found no need for caffeine for the remainder of January.
For the roughly 72 hours I stayed in Sin City, I forgot all about the gambling, clubbing and poolside lounging offered there and concentrated my efforts on the adult entertainment industry, perusing each and every avenue time would allow. I was swept into the vortex of a fleshy cyclone that didn’t stop until I checked out of my hotel Sunday morning and was taxied to McCarran International Airport, the last stop before returning to Southern California.
Although I’m now back on home turf, the residuals of the convention are clinging to me and I can’t seem to shake them. But who would want to when they include enlightening adult starlet encounters and interviews, three-dimensional porn viewings and bondage demonstrations?
Most of the fun came from watching the throngs of frenzied fans interacting with their beloved XXX stars. The bulging eyes, dropped jaws and stuttered requests for autographs and photos illustrated to me the important role porn plays in civilian life.
The porn performers themselves even seemed impressed with their starstruck fans. Several of them noted their appreciation for the level of respect the slobbering hornballs gave them, and appeared genuinely happy to meet those who watch them screw for a living.
It was nothing but porn stars, perverts and everything in between. Altogether, the three-day fleshfest underscored a timeless notion: sex sells.
Something tells me I’ll never forget this reporting assignment.
--Mike Pettit, 12:00 p.m.
***
Not everything worked out for TheNaughtyAmerican.com while at AVN.
We had a great story planned involving a reporter who was going to follow Nikki Benz and Puma Swede on a night on the town.
The reporter, who we will call “Joe Sapphire,” seemed to be ready to handle the assignment, which was to be a fly on their sugar walls, so to speak.
Objective sources who saw Swede and Benz in action the whole night assure us there were plenty of wild times – including spanking – so we were excited to get Mr. Sapphire’s story uploaded as soon as possible.
But, that isn’t going to happen. Apparently, Mr. Sapphire got so drunk while working on his story that he’s unable to complete it. He’s blaming his computer and everything else -- real sob-story stuff. But, the fact is, he screwed us, and, by extension, you dear reader.
Needless to say, Mr. Sapphire won’t be working for us again. We may be TheNaughtyAmerican.com, but this isn’t the kind of screwing we enjoy.
-- David B. Moye, 11:49 a.m.
***
Suffering from Post Erotic Stress. After four days in field at the Adult Entertainment Expo, I’ve had a difficult time adjusting to civilian life. I find it hard to believe that some people don’t fuck for a living. Last night was especially difficult, when I went to exercise at the University of California - San Diego.
With all the co-eds walking around in little exercise outfits I had flashbacks to porn parties, booths, and bondage demonstrations. When I hit the weight room, I looked around for the stripper poles. I also couldn’t understand why none of the girls were wearing pasties. I damn near took crotch shots of the volleyball team stretching in the corner. Lord help me. I tried not to stare, but UCSD girls all look like they’ve done scenes. … They don’t, do they?
Later, I worked out on the elliptical machine for a half hour as two Asians in ponytails exercised on each side of me. “Look straight ahead,” I told myself, “and think of ‘Davy and Goliath.’”
Perhaps I will be feeling this way for a while.
--Leopard J. Ferry, 11:10 a.m.
***
It takes an unconventional outlook on life to walk through the food court at the Venetian in assless chaps, alone and before Noon. But Digital Playground contract girl Stoya isn't your normal visitor to Vegas. The Naughty American editors were minding their own business eating paninis and drinking coffee, when the naughty little sylph strolled in, asscheeks exposed and pale as Frost Moons. We felt blessed. It was as though Eros had smiled down on TNA, and sent a messenger … to get Panda Express.
Mike Pettit Stoya waits for two spring rolls and a large Pepsi at Panda Express.
--Leopard J. Ferry, 10:47 a.m.
***
Kendall Brooks is probably feeling good today now that her beloved New York Giants will be playing in the NFC Championship.
“I am a big New York Giants fan,” she said, during a free moment between signing at the Naughty America House. “I used to date Jeremy Shockey.”
Although Giants QB Eli Manning has had to deal with criticism throughout the season, he must be pleased to know that Brooks has always been in his corner.
NaughtyOffice.com Kendall Brooks rooting for Eli Manning, even if he is 'a little nerdy.'
“Eli’s a good quarterback,” she said. “A little nerdy, perhaps.”
So would you ever date him?
“Like I said, I dated Jeremy Shockey. Eli’s a little nerdy for me.”
-- David B. Moye, 10:13 a.m.
***
Although Tera Patrick’s porn party at Tao on Friday night was considered the most prestigious party, I, for one, question the idea of holding such an event at a dark club with loud music.
To my mind, if I’m going to party with porn stars, I want to be able to see them and hear them.
BTW, if you are a porn star, and I accidentally stepped on your foot while at Tao, consider this an apology.
--David B. Moye, 10:06 a.m.
***
Attending a porn convention without a spouse evoked a half-empty, half-full reaction from Jaime, a fan from National City, California.
“My wife is okay with me going and part of me thinks, ‘How cool. My wife trusts me enough to go to a porn convention.’ On the other hand, I’m kinda disappointed because my wife trusts me enough to go to a porn convention. I’d like her to think I still have enough game to pick up a porn star if I wanted to.”
--David B. Moye, 10:01 a.m.
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