Man Trades Ford Escort For Craigslist Escort

SAN DIEGO (TNA) – Some guys trade money for sex. Others trade flowers and expensive dinners. No male, however, has ever EVER traded a beat-up ’91 Ford Escort. Right?

Wrong! Meet “Kyle,” a 38-year-old drinker with a cash-flow problem. In July 2007, the unemployed real estate speculator from San Diego lent his ’91 Ford Escort to a Craigslist hooker for extremely gratifying sexual intercourse.

It was a watershed moment for Kyle and American sexuality. Or to misquote Winston Churchill: “Never before have so few gotten so much for so little.”

Kyle didn’t have any assets to trade. He owned a house that was being foreclosed upon, the Escort, and a neurotic Chihuahua named “China.” Cash? Forget about it. His checking account had a negative balance and his credit cards carried over $30,000 in debt.

He also owed $140,000 to a manufacturer in Taiwan and $1,000 to a local bookie. Homeless people had more net worth. But Kyle has what some would call an entrepreneurial – and others a criminal – mind.

Here’s his story, as told to The Naughty American:

The Craigslist “Non-professional”

So I place an ad in Craig’s List under the erotic section to rent out my house in Pacific Beach, hoping to find any working girls who wanted to stay there in exchange for sexual services.

While I end up renting the house to a couple, I drum up six hooker contacts. One woman, Regina, says she’s interested in the house, but can’t come see it until she gets her car fixed. I tell her that the house is taken, but offer to loan her my ’91 Escort in exchange for services.

She agrees.

Regina doesn’t consider herself a hooker, by the way. She uses the term “non-pro.” Apparently, she has a full-time job and spends “sex time” screwing men in exchange for various hard goods. See the difference?

She explains that she does medical billing from home, and works as a lingerie and fetish model, on the recommendation of her last boyfriend. The modeling led to her split with the guy. He told her he couldn’t handle it after she started getting successful.

What an idiot.

I drive 30 minutes North of San Diego and meet Regina at a large house in Carlsbad. She is fairly hot. She is 5’4” and probably 118 pounds with a muscular body built for Kyle to pound and generally do with as Kyle sees fit.

Securing The Deal

We go up to her bedroom and she tells me how she left Monterrey two months to escape the ex-boyfriend. After they broke up, he drove his truck through her garage door and kitchen wall. He cut out individual letters from a magazine to spell out a hate letter and attached it to her door with a butcher knife.

She asks me what I have in mind for a car loan. I tell her sex and a blowjob.

She then proceeds to put away her clothes and explain why her shoes all face outward (due to her OCD). We get on her bed and she asks if I want to smoke some “dope.”

“What kind of dope?” I ask.

“Just dope, marijuana” she says, flashing a pipe. “What else would be in there?”

I mention that I have seen other “non-pros” smoke crack, meth, ice out of a “dope” pipe. She can’t believe it.

And so we smoke.

She says that she feels comfortable around me and that I am the first man she has ever brought into her house. After five minutes of conversation she asks me what I want to do with her RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT.

“Let’s take out clothes off and fool around,” I tell her.

Kyle

This is the Escort that Kyle used to get the escort.

Services Rendered

We quickly strip and I suck on her breasts. Her pussy is waxed bald and has a landing strip. I eat her out for five minutes.

Then she pulls me up and says, “I love to suck cock.”

She gives me a really good BJ (no condom) for eight minutes. Then I pull out and get a condom from my jacket pocket a few feet away. No rushing, mind you as this is a sure thing – no need to play her and hope she spreads her legs.

I put on the condom and fuck her missionary with her legs over my shoulders. She claims she cums. Then I ask her to get on top, which she does for about five minutes. She claims she cums again.

While bouncing on my dick she explains that we have to be quiet, so her male roommate doesn’t hear us.

We do this for two minutes and then I tell her that I am going to fuck her on the carpet, on some pillows. She agrees and suggests we do it in front of the wall mirror.

And so we do. I jam her doggy-style for about five minutes. It’s really hot.

She is grabbing my balls the whole time. When I tell her I am going to cum soon, she tells me to “shoot.” I cum.

Total fucking time, including switching positions: 14 minutes. Add another eight minutes for her sucking my cock.

Trading Goods And … Getting Serviced Again

We drive back to my place and along the way she gets turned on by the cars in two Ferrari and Lamborghini dealerships. We go inside my house, and I show her around. She plays with my dog, then wants to smoke a cigarette.

We step out to my porch for a smoke and five minutes of conversation. Then we go into the living room, sit down and chat some more.
I take the car key off the key chain and hand it to her.

Two minutes later, she asks, “Can you cum again?”

“Sure,” I answer.

“Because I’m still wet,” she explains. “Do you want to fuck me some more?”

“Yes, I do.”

She heads straight for my bedroom and strips. As soon as I touch the bed, she has my dick in her mouth.

“I love to suck cock,” she tells me three times. “It makes me so horny.”

“Get on all fours,” I tell her as I stand and face the bed. She then proceeds to suck my cock ferociously. I start playing with her asshole, and she sucks even harder.

“I’m gonna cum soon,” I tell her after five minutes. “I wanna cum in your mouth.”

She refuses. “Cum on my tits,” she says.

“No, in the mouth,” I insist.

“Breasts,” she mumbles.

“On the face,” I say.

About 15 seconds before orgasm I tell her I am going to cum. She pulls me deeper into her mouth and I cum down her throat. She sucks until my orgasm finishes, then licks all the semen off my penis.

The Escorts Return

Ten minutes later, she heads out the door and drives off. She brings back the car a few days late, but I what do I care? It’s not like I had to be anywhere.

Note: The previous story is reader submitted. Despite the dateline, the narrative has been corroborated by The Naughty American and is considered factually accurate. If you have a naughty story that you would like to share with The Naughty American, please it to tna@naughtyamerica.com.