Eminem’s Former Bodyguard Shows Men How To Manage Their Shorties

DETROIT (TNA) -- Rappers aren’t known for their enlightening views on women, but Eminem’s former bodyguard Byron "Big Naz" Williams is hoping to show his fellow men important secrets about the fairer sex.

Williams is the author of "Womanizer" (Xlibris), a 74-page treatise on the wile and guile of today’s American woman with tips on how to get your woman to go from frigid to freaky.

Though Williams states in the forward that he has "no intention of appearing as a relationship expert," he provides enough cool, first-hand advice that the book is, in fact, a how-to manual.

Big Naz, in resplendent glory

With the subtitle of "Thee Uncomfortable Truth about Men and Marriage,"—It’s unclear, at this point, whether 'Thee' is a typo, or a new way to emphasize ‘the’—"Womanizer" reveals what none of us have ever known before.

And the blowback has been substantial, according to Williams. "Womanizer" has apparently caught the entire female population by surprise. "Women are finding the shocking truth," says Williams. "Some women feel violated."

As evidence, Williams adds that "Womanizer" was the impetus for one major argument where a husband and wife separated for a week.

"The book brought up some old issues in their relationship and they started talking about them. Then they started arguing, and eventually they separated."

As for his former employer’s relationship woes, Williams says that the rapper never should have married his now ex-wife, Kim Mathers, adding that she embodies all the negative qualities of his mother.

"He married his Mom," Williams says. "Kim is the reincarnation of his Mom. He’s living the same nightmare twice."

According to Naz, Kim would fit the profile of "Mrs. Ever Ready," an archetypal woman described in "Womanizer" who’ll do it "any time, any place, any position." Mrs. Ever Ready, Williams explains, is the "type of wife that will do her dirt right under his nose and he won’t smell a thing."

"If you ever have this type of wife, I would strongly suggest not working a midnight shift, ever!" Naz writes. (Note to Eminem: Start doing matinee gigs only.)

Although he’s no longer in Eminem’s employ, he still has the rapper’s back. "I would tell Em to look at himself," he advises, "and decide who he is."

Williams says that Eminem should have married the woman who was his mistress on the road, a Brazilian woman named Kessia.

"Kessia was perfect. She was everything Kim wasn’t. He should have married her."

Other archetypes in the book include "The Cling-On," who "doesn’t give her husband any space"; "The Corporate B!tch," a "man masquerading in a woman’s body"; and "The Back Bone," "she’s a franchise player."

Despite all the categorizing and cataloguing of women that Naz does, the 6’10" Romeo states that in 12 years of marriage he’s never cheated on his wife. "Believe me, I’ve had plenty of opportunities."

Williams has three books in the works. One of them, with the working title "The New Plantation," compares work conditions at the Big Three in Detroit with slave life on plantations in the Old South.