The Hash House Harriers: Drinkers with a Running Problem

KEYSTONE HEIGHTS, FL (TNA) -- Some people run from their drinking problems but the members of a group called the Hash House Harriers prefer to run to their drinking problems.

The Hash House Harriers is an international sports club whose members run short marathons interspersed with bouts of drinking, often culminating with a series of outlandish behaviors and bizarre events. 

Hashers, otherwise known as “drinkers with a running problem,” make up a worldwide organization that has more than 200 chapters in the U.S. alone, with members like Pat who, when not hashing, is a 40-year-old executive in Gainesville, Florida.

The Hash House Harriers get together to run, drink and, occasionally enjoy male strippers.

“For non-hashers, the name can be misleading,” Pat explains, adding that stoners have been known to call the hasher’s hotline asking if the group makes hashish deliveries.

Truth be told, a hash run is not a trek through the drug cartel of Afghanistan or scoring a dime bag, but an eccentric sport based upon the values of athleticism, which is fulfilled by the running, and sociability (lots of drinking). 

Hashing found its start in Malaysia in the unlikely city of Kuala Lumpur in 1938 when a group of festive British chaps started the first Hares and Hounds Running Club.

The group takes its odd name from the original meeting place, the Selangor Club, which became known as the Hash House because of the bland quality of the food served there.

The Hash House Harriers designed their runs after the traditional British public school paper chase. A “hare,” or fellow hasher, is given a short head start on a trail and marks his way with shreds of paper. Then he or she is pursued by a pack of “harriers” and “harriettes.” 

Hashing came to a halt during World War II, but started exploding in Australia, Singapore, and New Zealand in the 1970s and 1980s. Today, there are thousands of Hash House Harrier clubs all over the world and several world hashing conventions held throughout the year. 

The highlight of the chase comes at the conclusion. That’s when thirsty harriers and harriettes chug down ice-cold alcoholic beverages, usually the cheapest beer available, such as Pabst Blue Ribbon or Busch Natural Light.

After the running and the drinking, the hashers form a circle and sing obscene camp songs such as: When it’s incest time in Texas/ And no pussy can be found/Your mama’s in the kitchen/ With her panties half way down/ No time for masturbation/No time to beat your meat/When it’s incest time in Texas/ Motherfucking can’t be beat.

Then they ask fellow members embarrassing, intimate questions in order to determine their hash nicknames.

Choosing a nickname is quite an art in itself and often requires some type of humiliation in the process.
 
For example, a teacher from Miami, Florida, named Scott, 42, received the nickname “3 Pump Chump,” from a harriette, who claimed that he only lasted three strokes before he was spent. 

Then there’s “Annoying Itch Bitch,” who, in the real world is a 35-year-old sales associate named Miranda. She got her nickname after confessing that she was kicked out of the Girl Scouts for convincing some girls to rub poison ivy on themselves.

These wacky traditions are universal to Hash House clubs across the globe, and hashing itself is truly international.

Someone could literally hash their way around the world if they wanted, starting with the biggest, most elaborate event: The World Interhash, which took place in Chiangmai, Thailand in October 2006, and is taking place next year in Perth, Australia.

The main highlight of the event is the Red Dress Run where everyone dons their finest red threads, (even if they clashed hideously with their running shoes), in order to drunkenly run or walk through a predetermined course.

But that’s just the tip of the hashing experience. At the InterAmerica hash in Toronto last September, the competition got pretty stiff at the Miss InterAmerica Pageant when one naked harriette dripping in chocolate sauce and whipped cream offered the judges spoons so they could eat it off her.

The crowd went crazy and the naked human brownie thought she had it in the bag, until a woman dressed as a schoolgirl got on stage and began to violate a dildo in several strange ways.

The last contestant, “I’d Do Her,” surprised everyone and took the coveted Miss InterAmerica title with her bright pink string bikini yoga routine, which was followed by simultaneously drinking four beers and doing push-ups. 

Considering the hashers’ wild reputation, booking hotel rooms for the big events can be a bit challenging. Before the Toronto event, hashers had a hard time explaining to hotel staff that they should expect to find a few naked drunk people convening on the elevator at 3:30 in the morning. 

After being turned down by several establishments, the Prince Westin Hotel generously offered up their ballroom for the cross-dressing hashers.

Hashing is also sometimes a family affair, particularly for special occasions. 

“Anal Inspector” surprised his mother, “MAMA,” (My Awful Mistake Anal) on her 65th birthday with a male stripper. He justifies it this way: “The great thing about hashing is that there is something for everyone.”

There are naked hash runs, cross dressing hashes, S&M hashes where everyone is in leashes and collars, and many other spontaneous activities.

At a recent hash event in Melbourne, Fla., several hares enjoyed the impromptu butt-shaving and painting by “Sleeps Around.” At the same event, a hare had his girlfriend in a collar and leash, and the woman could only talk when he said so.

The strange looks were quelled by his prompt explanation that it was his turn to dominate.

The after-hour parties, known in hasher lingo as the “on-ons,” can also get pretty crazy. 
For instance, after drinking Jell-O shots all day at the Millennium Stadium in Wales, a drunken harriette danced the can-can with five naked men.

As rowdy as these runs may seem, many of the members are serious professionals during the week who look to hashing for a place where they can break free of the confines of the corporate world. 

As for the running, anything can happen on a trail, which is what makes the runs so interesting.  

According to the latest “Hash Trash,” an online forum where fellow hashers record their wild antics, “Knickerless” of Auckland, New Zealand, was responsible for organizing a mid-trail wet T-shirt contest on one of the runs, the contestants being “Tititat,” “72inchblackrubberdildo,” “Knickerless,” and the winner, “Gorilla Snot.”

Meanwhile, on a run in Oakville, Ontario, in the middle of winter, “DeepShaft” helped “GoodCrack” off of a snow bank while “Frogspawn” tried to help out by attempting to construct a makeshift bridge out of bottles of Bailey’s Irish Cream.

During one hash event known as “Orgy in the Woods” in Keystone Heights, Fla., “Thanks for Your Mammarys” and “Coconuts” gave topless hugs to two virgin runners while “Anal Inspector” and “Limp Dick” played with an inflatable penis.

By comparison, though, the weekly hashes are pretty laid back, explains “Anal Inspector,” who when not hashing is known as TJ, a 44-year-old house inspector from West Palm Beach, Fla.  “It’s just 20 or 30 people hanging out, running a few miles and drinking beer.”

Because of the odd nature of hashing, many non-hashers often get the wrong idea. On a hash run in Kansas City, Missouri, the police got involved because they thought the flour used to mark the trails was Anthrax.

Meanwhile, fitness experts such as personal trainer Jason Thomas cringe at how the hashers combine running and drinking.

“Alcohol is terrible for your muscles,” he says. “Small amounts of alcohol increase your endurance but this only lasts 20 minutes. After that it increases muscle soreness, the ability to intake oxygen and many other abnormalities.”

In defense, “Anal Inspector” believes it is perfectly fine to combine exercise with alcohol “as long as you work your way up to it and pace yourself.”

In the end, he says, “it’s really about the beer.”