Erectile Dysfunction Ads Hurt American Morale
OCTOBER 29, 2007
SAN DIEGO (TNA) – Erectile dysfunction ads are doing more damage to the American psyche than any video tape Osama could muster. It’s as though Al Qaeda has stopped sending recruits to Afghanistan, and sent them to Madison Avenue instead.
Everywhere the American male looks these days, he’s reminded of his impotence. Turn on the football game, and there’s the little blue pill. Scan the nightly news, and there’s the spot for Cialis. Pick up a magazine or newspaper, and there’s the middle-aged male talking about erectile dysfunction.
Approximately 18 million American men suffer from erectile dysfunction, with men over the age of 70 reporting the greatest incidence at 70 percent. Men between 20 and 40, however, report having it only 5 percent of the time. Studies have also determined that diseases such as diabetes and obesity, along with stress, and alcohol and drug abuse, contribute significantly to the problem.
Image: TNA Top: an impotent male from "Viva Viagra"; Bottom: the President of the United States
So, why don’t the ads bear this out? The campaigns rarely show overweight models or septuagenarians. Instead, they feature vigorous men, typically white, in their forties and fifties jamming on the guitar and playing basketball. These guys can’t get it up? Really?
Perhaps it’s a coincidence, but they all look a bit too much like the leaders of our country: Clinton playing the saxophone, Kerry windsurfing, Bush mountain biking. The association may be subconscious, but next time an ad pops up, take notice. If you don’t see Bush and Petraeus, you ain’t looking hard enough.
The sheer volume of ads also suggests that it’s not just our leaders who are impotent but our entire society. With pharmaceuticals carpet bombing media with erectile dysfunction campaigns, you better believe they think every guy with a fleck of grey, from the local fireman to the Wall St. honcho, can’t sustain an erection.
How the hell are we supposed to win a war – much less this war – when we have subversive advertising like this? Something tells me that the jihadists aren’t inundated with constant reminders of their inadequacy. With 72 virgins waiting for them, they probably feel pretty confident about their potency.
We Americans claim that our way of life is better than that of the extremists. But, hey, with apparently so many of our males impotent, the mullahs could mount a persuasive argument to the contrary.
Another morale-killer is Madison Avenue’s insistence on using the abbreviation “ED.” Come on, is erectile dysfunction a disease or just a hindrance to a good time? “ED” is far too casual for a legitimate medical condition. ED’s the guy you went on Spring Break with. ED’s the roommate who took the last beer.
If you ask me, any proper medical condition gets a three-letter abbreviation – HIV, PMS, ADD – while damn-fun sexual practices get two. Who doesn’t like a BJ or DP?
“ED” makes us look like a society of hedonists. It also suggests that we just don’t have a bloody clue. Monks are rising up, icebergs are melting down, and we have a preponderance of guys fretting over the occasional limp noodle.
If, after watching an erectile dysfunction ad you feel vaguely less confident about the war in Iraq, or society in general, don’t write your congressman. Write your pharmaceutical company.
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